25 August 2003.

Today, is the beginning of the end... For the last 3 years, ideas and concepts swooped into my mind without capturing it. Today, I will be able to cyberically, jot down these ideas wherever I am, whenever I can. I do not need to carry my notepad with me. I am living in the virtual note-taking world.

Recently, I faced the metamorphosis of growing in knowledge and experience. It is a sensational feeling. Yet, it makes your "self" separate from your surrounding. Separate from realities you have used to that was brought to you through the route of fear and anger. I suddenly discovered the NOW. I suddenly discovered that the insecurities I created within me in fear of facing the worse of my future, are the main causes of building up fear consequently make me insecure! I discovered that if we go through the path of love... unconditional love... we got to peace... Absolute peace!... yet, I still find it difficult to capture love at all moments with everyone... I still feel anger and hater toward some... this is something I have to work on... It si part of my "self" experience.

Another thing, is the conquer of the body... my inner voice tells me this has to be the next objective I need to work on... this objective is still an embryo that has to grow in time... hopefully before March 13th, 2004... which I have an inner feeling it is of importance to me... I do not know what...

Capture of the Past:

Here is a summary of what I have discovered in the passed three years;

1- Unconditional love is the aim of life. This is a truth that is brought by all religions and great masters of the universe. People misunderstand this fact. Some think it is the love of the loved ones... others think it is the physical love represented by sex... I just discovered that this unconditional love is the ability to love everyone, at anytime, any place. A person you just met... an enemy who fought you... a person who gave you hurt... I grasp it clearly.... yet I need to live it...

2- Religion is the manifestation of the people... each era develop different interpretations of the meaning of religeon... all original religion initiators were calling for the same thing: discover god within, which is the unconditional love... the religion interpreters, who assumed the responsibility of explaining the religion to the masses, misinterpreted the first call and people created new realities totally different from what the original initiators have called for. Politics, through the ages, changed the initial call for their own purposes... whether good or bad! : Jesus called for unconditional love... the political christianity now-a-days, calls for war in the name of peace, Mohammad called for the love of humanity, the present islamic politicians calls for hate and death... Examples could be drawn from all religeons..

3- Death is a fear that we were brought to worry about ever since we were young... recently, I was, accidental, exposed to many writings and sayings about death... the conclusion: death is reaching the ultimate peace... we just need to reach death when we have achieved the highest level of unconditional love... it is an idea that is still brewing in my head!

4- God: this is the most mis-understood concept in this reality.... unfortunately, I was driven by the misconception for a very long time... now I am starting to glimpse part of the truth... not the whole truth yet... At this stage, my explanation is this: try to imagine when you looked at a person you love... you really love... not sexually... just love. it could be a parent, a sibling, or a person you hold dear to you heart. Just recognize the feel of joy you have when you look at him or her... usually it is a fraction of a second... at that fraction of second... you experience the unconditional love... it is a joy beyond comprehension... it is the moment when God just places his finger in your heart giving you this joy... knowing God is an experience and knowledge that allows you to feel this joy all the time, everywhere, with everyone... then... and only then... you will understand God...

I think this should be enough now, for I have to live reality again, in one hour, I have to go to work... I have to leave my mental reality and live the physical reality... where I have to go back to being a physical human handling people's fear and insecurities to do my job... people around me are afraid and insecure... more about this will come later.... I have to go...

-aboluay-